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It’s not IBS?

Living with whatever I have has affected every aspect of my life. I have no job, broke up with my boyfriend of 4 and a half years, I had to move back home to my mom’s house, I can’t quite go out without being scared of having a reaction, I literally have no money left….the list goes on.

I’m having a bad day and am suppressing the urge to cry. My ex was supposed to come to my family BBQ today and bring my dog that I love and miss so much. He has a way with words…he’s very convincing and the kind of person that makes you think he’s always trying to sell you on something. He’s full of excuses and is NOT a good boyfriend. I blame him in part for the state I’m in right now but that’s another story. So he messages me yesterday saying he really doesn’t want to move out of our place but is not sure how he might be able to afford it. I gave him my opinion and then he brings me into the decision. He said he knows I can no longer LIVE in a basement apartment but that if or when I’m better he hopes that I’ll be willing to sleepover…we’re not even together. This ex says stuff like this all the time when all I want is to see my pets. I don’t have time for love and I don’t love him anymore. How can I when I’m in this state??? He just doesn’t get it. So we got into a fight about how I didn’t respond to say “oh yes, love, I would definitely sleepover after I get better.” I won’t be seeing my dog Marley today…I won’t be able to see our kitten Huey…he had hoped we’d get back together once my diagnosis was defined and I had a strict diet etc but it’s not happening. I won’t let it…not after yesterday night.

 I am a hard working, independent woman…or at least I used to be. This disease is debilitating, tiring and depressing. Today I don’t feel like leaving my room.

How do you start a blog when you don’t even know where to start? 

My blogs are going to be a jumbled mess until I get the hang of it. Bare with me…

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